Tonight i shared in cell group. was so proud of myself! (not being arrogant okay...) awesome feeling, i tell you! you should do it when the opportunity comes! grasp it tight cause it may not come to you again the next time. you will know what i am saying when you experience it for yourself.
actually this could be my testimony for trusting upon the Lord. He helped me through it all. the fear. the doubt. the insecurity. all of it. tonight, i conquered them all in the name of God and only in Him alone. but i know this is not the end of it all. for sure, there will be many more challenges ahead just like this one, or even greater. i believe God is doing something great in my life. He is bringing me to a higher level of FAITH.
it was tuesday afternoon when Tiff asked me to share this week. it was after my online test for Reactions & Synthesis and instantly after the test, the result was made known to me. i got 4/6. this will actually be 5% of my final mark at the end of the semester. so of course knowing that, i was feeling a bit discouraged. like i know i studied really hard for it. but i realized something that i had just did. i was actually cheating cause zel was helping me with some of the questions and i really trusted her. then it turned out she gave me the wrong answer for one of it. very stupid mistake. i was so pissed off at myself for doing something that i know i shouldn't be doing. then on that day, zel acccidentally screwed up her test by closing the windows of the test in the computer. so obviously, her test was incomplete. and furthermore, it turned out i could only do the test for 30 minutes instead of one hour because there's going to be a test for another class on that computer. i instinctively knew that God was teaching me a lesson. first, the time limit. second, the unsatisfactory result. third, my friend kind screwed her test up. it is pretty clear what the One above is trying to tell me.
so of course when i received Tiff's message, i was still surrounded by feelings of remorse and guilt for not doing the best that i can. best meaning the most honest. Tiff is my cell group leader by the way. she's actually younger than me! so i kinda told Tiff that i may not be able to do it this week because i was busy. of course, i was not. i was just making up excuses to, you know, avoid the extra stress. then Tiff asked thru message, 'So can you do it next week?' Pang! i will be having 2 tests next week! that gave me crazier thoughts! then something inside me said, 'OKAY MARY. YOU HAVE TO DO IT THIS WEEK! TAKE THIS CHANCE OR LEAVE IT.' so i replied Tiff that i would be sharing but then i also opened up and shared with her my fear and insecurity towards this sharing thing. Tiff gave me a lot of encouragement, also ko BP. he actually called to wish me luck! by today, i really felt like i could do it. [= Hallelujah!
my testimony did not just end there...
this evening at 4pm, i was called up for my interview with Tahnee. i purposedly came to her session so that we could be together. [= anyways, i thought that we didn't really do such a good job impressing the interviewee so i got really down all of a sudden. and also, i was feeling rather sleepy and tired before the interview. took a 30-minutes nap at home actually. so when i was doing the interview, i could not really think. my mind was really tired. all sorts of reason. partly because of the sharing and i was so nervous abt the interview. haha. heard of anyone who get sleepy because they're nervous? LOL.
but yeah. i did not expect that today so many people would turn up to oikos. i was getting increasingly nervous as more people started coming into Tiff's apartment. the pastor and wife. new faces too. i was thinking to myself, God please give me the strength, guidance, wisdom, FAITH. well, He did! and see what i've accomplished tonight! [= something beyond my natural ability. something beyond my imagination. as the saying goes His ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts higher than our thoughts.
i received positive feedback from people saying that what i shared was really good. one of them even said she wanted to share what i shared to her cell group. i am really overwhelmed by what God is doing in my life. my heart will be praising Him always!
okay it's getting late here. almost 1am. i am really really exhausted... wanna sleep... zzzzz...
P.S. i read these constantly day and night and prayed a lot too to help me manage it all.
Psalms 23-28
hope that it can be a blessing to you too in a mighty way!
and THANKs to Pastor Tan Ye Peng for always bringing his POWERFUL and AWESOME sermons to City Harvest Church!!! without him, all this would not have been possible. [=
and yep, this is here the end of my testimony for the Lord Jesus Christ, my comfort, my saviour. Hallelujah!
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