6W1D! Hurra all praises to God!

Had a nice day today out with friends for lunch in the city. Then received a text message from hubby that I might need to go for an ultrasound check-up later today. So after lunch and a quick trip to asian supermarket, I bid the others goodbye and hurried home to put down the stuffs and fed Rafael his afternoon meal before rushing off to the hospital.

Deep down I hope that there is a baby growing inside me, TBH out of selfish reasons. Because I don't want to go through a curettage and total anaesthesia for it. Also, I thought it would be nice for Rafael to have a sibling close his age so he would have a best friend at home soon enough. Just like me and my brother Eric. I remember I appreciate the closeness we had growing up together, experiencing (playing mostly) almost everything at similar time. On the other hand, I am preparing myself for the worst and pray that God will lead me through any problem come my way.

When it was time for me to be examined, hubby performed an abdominal exam and soon enough his colleague (chief physician in ambulatory dept) came in. Results showed that there was something inside the uterus. The chief then told hubby to perform a vaginal exam due to higher sensitivity with findings. It was then that a 6mm-sized fetus could be seen at the top edge of the sac. With doppler, its heart beat could be detected and we were so relieved. First of all, that it was a viable fetus with heartbeat and secondly, it was one fetus not multiples! Haha.

As for me, I am soooooo relieved and happy that all turned out well (as for now)! Hallelujah! God is indeed good and I believe His timing for this to happen to us is PERFECT. Only positive thoughts should be cultivated from now on. Full of gratefulness and praises. For an outcome consisting smooth delivery with a perfectly healthy baby. Amen!

This stage is the most frustrating stage, whereby it is still way too early in the pregnancy and anything can happen. Most people advise against spreading the news to family and friends. However I will be on a 2-weeks long trip with my family in 3 weeks and I can't imagine not uttering a single word about it, especially when it's rare that they'll be here for me to tell the news face to face. Hence the dilemma now. Also I would most probably need help to take care of Rafael in case anything bad were to happen to me on the trip, such as strong nausea etc. I remember the last pregnancy with Rafael, my nausea went on til the second trimester. Yikes, really not looking forward to that and hope the nausea will soon be over. Happy thoughts, oh happy thoughts for now.

Now my job is to check in with my obgyn and finish off driving classes before my tummy gets too big for it. In Jesus Name let it all be accomplished well. Til later now.

Sad as it seems...

I received some bad news yesterday. It turns out the pregnancy is tilting towards a bad prognostic outcome. Ultrasound results showed that I was indeed pregnant (gestational sac present), however no fetus could be detected. I was told to come back in another week for another checkup to double check.

To be honest, I felt really disappointed that the pregnancy was not going as smoothly as expected. After all, I have been feeling nauseated and lethargic. And the thought of growing a baby inside of me kinda outweigh those horrible symptoms. But now, knowing that that might not be happening, it kinda multiplies the nausea, lethargy and depressed mood 10 times more. Worse is I am in the phase where I have to wait one week before results are confirmed and further actions can be done to solve the problem.

Inside my head, a part of me questions God why does this have to happen to me? Another part of me believes that this is all part of God's plan and He will provide the best solution. It would also really not be the optimal case scenario if the fetus, that was too weak to remain in the womb, persisted to grow inside of me. I have heard such situations before on social media and the family might feel like they make the right decision at first, but regretted later on to let the child live a suboptimal life for the rest of their lives. I know this is sensitive topic and it touched on our moral values and question human rights etc. At the end of it all, it depends on the country you're in if it allows abortion in such cases and the decision is fully subjective and individualised to the involved subject. Even I myself would not claim I have a straightforward answer to the issue, but I believe God will provide me with wisdom to decide on what I can live in peace with for the rest of my life.

Still today I have been feeling nauseated although less that yesterday. Still I am not in the mood to cook. Still I am eating instant noodles to get by with the nausea. I have no idea why this sinful junk food has been helping me so much with nausea. I seriously have no appetite for anything else except Indomie and the stock for it at home is slowly reducing to 0.

In a way I feel bad for my husband for not being able to cook for his meals due to my nausea. As for our baby boy, I am doing the best I can, despite my own physical needs, to accommodate for his needs and feelings. At the same time, I am feeling rather down and hope the nausea will soon cease.

Til here for now. More updates when the next check-up comes. *fingers crossed*

What is happening to me???

It's been a while since I last blogged, but lately I have been feeling rather terrible...

Bad skin- lots of pimples on forehead and dry skin (probably due to weather too)
Terrible memory- lots of problems caused as a result
Headache
Bruises on arms and legs
Mouth ulcers
Bad mood- super sensitive, tired, lazy
Strong frequent nausea and reduced appetite plus frequent diarrhea
Flu 2-3 weeks ago (maybe from Rafael)

It feels like that time once again...

Did a urine test and it tested positive! Was so shocked to see 2 lines there! To be honest, I am more speechless than happy. Considering this would be our second child with the firstborn not hitting even a year old yet! Definitely gonna be a challenge, but as long as it is healthy, we'll be more than grateful. Check out the result below!

Will update again after a doctor's check-up.

The Birth Story

This is rather embarrassing that I have not told my birth story until 8.5 months post-partum. I guess I have forgotten all about this blog until now and there is a lot to be done as a stay-at-home Mum, much more than initially expected.

So let me begin by introducing our son named Rafael Oliver who was born on 26th November healthy and well. His birth went smoother and so much easier than expected. No fuss. Everyone said I got lucky with this birth being it my first one.

It was that fortunate weekend and actually we (husband, my Mum, a friend and myself) were planning to travel for a day trip to Belgium. After much detailed planning, we were all set that night to leave the next morning to pick our friend up from another city in Germany that's on the border to Holland. However, that night at past 4 am, I felt an uncomfortable feeling in my tummy; like a tummy ache and menstrual cramp, I was not too sure which was more likely. I went to the toilet to empty my bowels but the pain continued on. As I was pregnant into my 39 weeks, I knew that birth was impendable in the coming days ahead and being aware of Braxton Hicks I thought this could just be a false alarm. But the contraction-like ache started occurring every 15 minutes and so I woke my husband up. He said that first births don't happen quickly and I should chill. I agreed but then the pain kept occuring closer and closer apart (every 5 minutes). So he being an O&G doctor performed checks to see how close I am to birth and he got the shock of the day that I was opening at 2cm. As I remembered vividly now, he said that we should go to the hospital for a more comprehensive monitoring since the birth process had begun although passively still. We woke my mum up and she started preparing breakfast for me (while I showered), consisting of a plate of good old char kway teow and hard boiled egg. After that I felt so ready to conquer the day, thanks to my Mum. Also, I was not done packing the hospital bag and so I just brought with me very few items. Our house is only 20mins walk from the hospital and so apart from the cold it was relatively convenient to bring items back and forth the house. (We practically live in a university hospital neighbourhood. Lucky for us!)

Husband drove us to the hospital and he performed an ultrasound to see the state of the baby. To his alarm, he found the umbilical cord around the back of our baby's neck. Everything else was normal and the condition was still fit for a normal delivery. Then I was admitted in the delivery station and monitored in an examination room with CTG and the standard blood test and IV access. At this point, I was having stronger aches than before and it felt like my whole body is focused on it all and nothing else. When I was moved to the delivery room, the contractions were getting so horrible that all I could do was close my eyes and asked my Mum to massage my back because somehow that's what I could think about that could help me divert the pain from the contractions. Also I was shivering in pain during the contractions. I remembered it was an 8cm opening that things started to get unimaginable. One point in time I asked my husband if I could get epidural but he said things were progressing really quickly for me and I could do without it. Then at this time, my water finally broke and the pain started to get really bad (constipated x100) and I have this crazy urge to push. But at the same time, my husband and the midwife on duty said that I should resist the urge a while longer (I think is so to leave time for my body parts to adapt and stretch to reduce the possible tearing). Something in my mind and body told me to push but I did all I could to resist until finally I told them I couldn't wait any longer and I had to push. So my husband, being the only one in the room (no idea where the midwife left to), assisted me with the pushing and breathing. I think the last few pushes lasted around 3-5 minutes with very strong contractions, with very sharp pain when the head was crowning and such a relieving push when the baby's body slipped out into the world! (The pain didn't just stop right after, the contractions although much less forceful continued until the placenta was delivered.) But when I saw our baby for the first time, such joy came upon me and a sense of pride for achieving such arduous task of having completed a term pregnancy (despite some drama in the middle) and the birth too. My Mum was lucky she could be the third person to carry the baby in her arms and for a very long time too while I was dealing with the placenta stuff. I could see the joy in her face being Oma for the first time.

Thinking about the birth now... I couldn't ask for a better one. It almost seemed so perfect. No water-broke drama at home/somewhere I always imagined like in movies and it did not last the entire day for me. Thank God our baby was not too big so I did not tear that much. I know it is all the grace of God and I am forever grateful I am now a mother. Childbirth was not at all traumatising for me and fair to say it was pretty straight-forward and the pain felt was all worth it for the newest member in the family.

Rafael Oliver

10:08, 26.11.2016

2.89kg, 50cm

Isn't he lovely and adorable?

All he does is sleep, drink and pee/poo as a newborn. (So different compared to 8.5 month old him!)

I did not get sleep on my first night(s); figuring out his drinking pattern and really struggling with breastfeeding and pumping. We had many visitors coming over so I did not get enough sleep during the day to compensate for the lack of sleep at night. (So glad it's all over now!)

So that was the birth story, which after came the breastfeeding and sleeping routines which I will talk about in my next blog post. But I think this is enough sharing for now and the rest for next time. Good night world! :)