don't want anymore regrets. wanna learn to face up to the truths.

after my short trip to padang (just 4 days), i have been feeling really depressed. or maybe just confused. or lost???































































































i guess many of you may be surprised by how i may be acting now. i am usually all smiles and laughs. but i guess that was when i am still living in my own land. i got to take things more seriously from now onwards.
suddenly i realised that what i've been doing (university) for all these years results in nothing. nil. zero. even though i am already in university year 2, i still behaved and think like a secondary school student. in bahasa indo, i am still a siswa when i should be a mahasiswa. maha means above to those that don't know the language. the truth about the stupid way i have been living hit me yesterday when i was at padang. my uncle spent almost 3 hours talking to me about my uni life and just my life in melbourne, really.
in conclusion, i've got some points to improve-
first. i have to stop being lazy.
second. i have to think again my goal in life.
third. my reason for being in melbourne.
fourth. my responsibility as the eldest in the family.
fifth. to depend more on God as my strength and saviour.
sixth. to take initiative and seek advice from the successful people that i know, like my couz ko Yud. he's like a role model to me man.
for these few days, i have been feeling rather down. also my parents love to nag. and today while i was sitting in the car on the way to the airport, dad was talking again about how i should be. i felt really really emotionally and mentally lost right there and then. i rebutted him several times. but still he continued on with what and how i should be like. actually i could just break into tears if i want to but i braced myself up. shake all the uncertainty about the future aside and tried to focus myself to do the everyday stuffs but somehow i just could not. all i think of is about what i should be doing when school reopens on 27th July. i really need to pray more to God for guidance and wisdom. all these while, i have been depending only on my self. i'm sorry God, for not looking upon you. sorry God, that i have become rather prideful of what i have before. i pray that when tomorrow comes, my mood will be much better and that i can lighten up. no point getting so depressed of what's happened in the past. it's the future that i should be working hard for.
my dad said i need a vision. i agree. so God please help. it's only you i can depend on.

gonna meet my secondary school friend carrie, meiyan and xueli tomorrow at orchard for lunch. rather exciting. it's been almost 3 years since i last seen carrie. lots to catch up of course. shall tell you more tomorrow.

xoxo,
thegirlwhofindsithardtosmilethesedaysbecausethetruthreallyhurts