omg. i found out from my mum last week that i am going to meet this guy in jakarta during cny. apparently, the mum wants to meet me? lol, why! a thousand thoughts crossed my mind. it's such a mind bubbling matter for me. i got so many reasons to not meet him, but i think i will. mum said that it will be good for me to be friends with him, since he's in medicine. maybe we can help each other out. oh well. there's no harm right?
these few days mum has been hinting on me to start look for a boyfriend. one time, i cried just thinking about having to find one. lol maybe i'm the only girl that ever cried just like that? i don't know why i did so. but there's a truth in that, maybe that's why i cried? i am already 20, turning on 21. well maybe for my birthday wish, i might have to wish on getting a boyfriend? argh. thinking all these is really stressing me out. no wonder i told my cousin last time that i want to be like Peter Pan. the boy who doesn't grow. maybe i'm still a child deep inside that refuse to grow. i admit i love being pampered by my parents. but i'm not sure whether i would accept that pampering from others? i am so used to defending myself a lot. to cut it short, i don't trust others very easily. even to my close friends, i keep stuffs from them. that's just me. so about the bf thing, maybe that's why i don't have one now? perhaps also i haven't been hanging out with guys enough? maybe those who have bfs hang out a lot with them. so attraction happens so often that every now and then, they change bfs? one example i know of is my sis. in one year she can like have 4 bfs? how does that happen?? O.o
i really trust that God has already prepared the one for me but time is not ripe yet. but mum thinks otherwise. she said that i have to start looking already. well, actually most of my friends don't have bfs yet. so i see being single as a no problem. actually, it's nice being single. i have friends to talk to if i want. i get to have my own time to myself a lot. how nice is that. being single is not a crime ok. lots of people even don't get married eventually. it's just the stereotype that people have towards single old women. mum said that they're weird in nature. HUH? just because they don't have life partner don't mean that they have a weird personality. the pastor's sister from bethany doesn't have a husband and still, she still leads her life. happily i'm sure. she still survives! it's not like you die without anyone proposing to you. well, that's all i need. that i live...
oh man. this is so mind bottling!!! i am beginning to think myself weird all of a sudden. argh! why am i like this? the feeling of unease is really grabbing my every thought. this is so unfair! why must i live up to people's expectations and way of life? i just hope that i change my way of thinking and get a bf eventually. then only will my mum stop the naggings...
enough with bfs.
everyday now i've been shopping. with mum all the time. bought my first and second Bulberry clothes ytd. i so love them! it really feels different wearing them than other cheap clothes. nice. i so want to be rich in the future. then only, i can buy lots and lots of Bulberry's. (=
cny will be spent in jkt this saturday. i am guessing that it will be so much boring with most of the cousins still in the US. how i wish we can spend it together again like last time.
no plan for tomorrow. maybe i should start reading up on the MCAT guide book again. it's been like a month and i've only read 3 chapters of it. what a disappointment really. how am i supposed to get into med like this? mary, buck up!
xoxo,
thegirlwhoreallywantstoquitthechildishacts/thoughts
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